Spider-man Meets the Fan Club Girls
by Chipmunk Queen
Summary: Colleen and Amanda (me!) meet Spider-man. We're a bit insane. Much madness. Great fun!
1. MCAS ate my soullet's go find Spidey

Spiderman Meets 

The Fan-Club Girls

__

Ok, I think that before I begin this twisted tale, I should clear a few things up. My friend Colleen and I, for reasons completely unknown, created a universe in which everything goes as we say. In this universe, we stalk Charleton Heston, Anthony Hopkins (My Hannibal!, and the ever-adorable Tom Brady. We have amazing ninja powers, kick-ass weaponry, and we freakin' hate those **DAMN DIRTY APES**!!! 'Kay. Enough said.

(_Frau Chane's German class.)_

Colleen: Ugh. Bored. Very bored. Sleepy, too. Bored and sleepy.

Amanda: Boredom here, as well. I think the MCAS ate my soul. (MCAS = Massachusetts 

Samantha: Dum-de-dum…EEKEEICHIOOO!!!!…Dum-de-dum…

Amanda: (raises an eyebrow) Oooh-kay. Apparently, Sam isn't doing much better. We gotta find something to do, before we all die of boredom…

Colleen: Oh good, Frau Chane is putting a movie on. Muzzy This is the high point of my day. How sad…

Amanda: Hmm…what can we do? Ooo, the grass outside is growing…_No_! That's it, we're getting out of here. Come on, Col! (grabs Colleen's arm and drags her out of class.)

Frau Chane: Was machtet ihr? (_What are you guys doing?_) Tsk tsk. My students are all quite insane. They don't even bring their own kleenex to school. (shakes head sadly.)

Colleen: What are you doing, Amanda? I was watching Muzzy! This better be good…

Amanda: (grinning slyly) Yup. It sure is…

(_New York City, or the like)_

Random Evil-doer: (flies through window) AHHH!!!!! (falls down and goes BOOM)

(A figure in a spandex suit comes to the window and looks out. It's everyone's favorite webslinger, **Spider-man**! Very nice bum.)

Spider-man: Woo-hoo! That's the third Random Evil-doer I've squelched since breakfast. Go me! Hmm…what's next on my schedule? I have to stop a bank robbery at noon…stop by the news with pictures of myself in heroic poses at one…save Mary Jane from Muggers at 4…cook supper for Aunt May at 5…Save Mary Jane from Green Goblin at 6…and 7…and 8…Ooo! I have a free hour right now. I'll spend it doing my favorite past time: Swinging from buildings in a computer graphic-like manner. Go me!

(A half-hour later, Spider-man is still swinging around. He gets a whim and climbs to the top of the Empire State Building. Immediately, his spider-sense starts to tingle. He sees two girls on the observation deck, talking. One has long black hair and icy blue eyes. One has long strawberry blond hair and blue-green eyes. They _seem_ ordinary enough…)

Colleen: I'm telling you, Amanda, that **_damn dirty ape_** was here! I can smell his vile scent…

Amanda: (shudders) I know. It's been, like, 30 years since…(tries to choke out name)…since…Kong (shudders again) climbed up here. Yet the evil of monkeydom never truly departs.

Colleen. No, it merely lingers like a festering disease. At least we have the comfort of knowing that Kong and his fiendish brother, King Bob, are no more. _We_ saw to that. Bwhahahaha!

Amanda: Damn, girl, I am still in awe of your evil laugh. I can only hope that someday I will be as sinister-sounding as you.

Colleen. You're getting there. 

Amanda: (looks up) Hey! He's heeeere…

(Spidey moves cautiously closer.)

Colleen: (grins evilly) Spider-man! Hello. I'm Colleen, and my partner in crime here is Amanda. (looks at Amanda, who has mouth hanging open and is drooling excessively.) 

Amanda! Stop that! (snaps Amanda's jaw shut.) Sorry. She gets a little…excited sometimes. Especially when confronted with attractive men in tight…anyway, we're _big_ fans of yours.

Spider-man: (looks nervous) Oh. How…nice. So…um…you're fans, huh?

Amanda: _Yeah_ we are! Man, we are gonna have so much fun together…

Spider-man: (gulps) I have a bad feeling about this.

__

You think it's weird now, just wait a while. It gets much_ better. Mwhahaha. Just to clear something up: This is a round-robin type story between Col and I. I wrote this episode. She's gonna write the next one. It'll still be posted by me, under this story, though. Stay tuned for more Spidey-lovin', ape basshin' fun! _

Hey Col, isn't this so cool? Wonder how many people we can worry…love ya! J 


	2. Gone for tissuesbe back in 5

__

Ok, at the suggestion of my dear friend Colleen, Here's a little bit of background information about the Disney Adventure. We keep making references to it, so you should know. In a different round-robin the two of us did, Colleen and I were spending April vacation in DisneyWorld. While there, we kidnapped Patriots QB Tom Brady and held him hostage on the 13'th floor of the Tower of Terror at MGM. Our other two obsessions, Charleton Heston and Anthony Hopkins joined us. Drew Bledsoe, the former Pats QB also made a guest appearance. He tried to kill Tom out of jealousy. We stopped him and made him sorry. Colonal Fron was the military man in charge of the hostage negotiations. He was a severe mommy's boy psychopath who hated Col and I. And, once again, **we hate apes**!!!! 'Kay, that's all. I'll be posting the Disney adventure as well. 

(Empire State Building)

Spider-man: Um…thanks…it's nice to have fans, but I don't do autographs.

Amanda: Oh, we don't want an autograph…

Colleen: We're after something a little more…"fun".

Amanda: (_whispers nervously_) Umm, we're not gonna rape him or anything, are we, Col?

Colleen: (_whispers back_) No! I didn't mean it _that_ way!

Spider-man: Oh dear.

Colleen & Amanda: MWHAHAHAHA!!!!

Spider-man: Hey, why is my name hyphenated? I just noticed that.

Amanda: Never mind that!

Spider-man: Ok…um…who are you girls anyway? And how did you get up here?

Colleen and Amanda: We're…(_drum roll_)…**The Fan Club Stalker Girls**! (_dramatic reverb)_

Spider-man: No way! The same ones who kidnapped my friend Tom Brady?

Colleen: Tooooom…(_swoons_)

Amanda: Col! You're drooling again. And yes, we're the sweet, wholesome, angelic girls who "borrowed" Tom for a while.

Colleen: (_chokegagchoke) _Ahem! Yes, sweet and angelic. Right. Of course. Sorry, had something stuck in my throat for a minute there…

Spider-man: Oh dear. I think I'm in trouble…

Amanda & Colleen: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

__

(Frau Chane's German Class, back at GHS)

Frau Chane: Katrin! (_Colleen's German name) _Olivia! _(Amanda's German name)_

Hey! Where are Katrin and Olivia? (_looks at sign on their desks) _"Gone for tissues"? "Be back in 5"? Wo sind sie?!?! (_Wo sind sie = Where are they?)_

Class: Sie sind tot! (_They are dead!)_

Frau Chane: Grrrr.

Sam: Dum-de-dum-dum….

(_John and Patti's boat, 10 miles offshore)_

(_John and Patti are Colleen's parents. They're with Ken and Carol, Amanda's parents.)_

Carol: Thank you so much for inviting us out on your boat!

Ken: Yeah! This is cool! Does it go faster?

John: Sure! Watch! (_boat warps to Mach 1)_

Patti: Slow…this…**down**!

John: _(sulks) _Yes dear.

Ken: Man, you girls are no fun!

John: Yeah, but it could be worse. Colleen and Amanda could be out wreaking havoc again.

Patti: _(smacks head) _Moron! Are you trying to jinx us?

Carol: _(knocks on side of the boat) _Knock on wood!

Ken: The boat is made of fiberglass…

Carol: Dammit!

John: Maybe nothing will happen. Colleen seemed perfectly normal this morning when we sent her off to take the MCAS test…

All four: Uh-oh!

__

(Empire State Building)

Amanda: Turn around!

Spider-man: What? Why?

Colleen: We want to admire the wonderful quality of spandex! 

__

(Suddenly, a dark shape is seen in the sky coming from a distance. In Goblin-esque form it cackles madly as it zooms to the building)

Sider-man: Don't worry, girls. It's just another psycho out to kill me. I'll handle this!

Colleen: Hoooray! We get to see him in action! But Ama…

Amanda: Yes…that cackle did sound familiar…

Spider-man: Pfft!

Mysterious Evil Villian: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! At last the moment I have waited for! You are doomed…You crazy Fan Club Girls!

Spider-man: What?!?!

Amanda & Colleen: I _knew_ it!

__

One last thing to clear up: Frau Chane, our dear German teacher, is adamant about students bringing their own kleenex to school. If a student is sick and asks her for a tissue, she lectures them about how, when she was young, students brought their own kleenex. She also plays the bagpipes. We love "die EisenFrau". (The Iron Woman) Anyway…stay tuned for the next episode, where you'll discover the Mysterious Evil Villian's true identity…**Mwahahahaha!!!!!!**


	3. I think he was the oldest Brady Bunch bo...

__ (Empire State Building) 

Spider-man: Hey…this villain is _yours_?Are you guys superheroes, too?

Colleen: Not exactly…

Mysterious Evil Villain: You'll _pay_ for what you did to us in Disney World, you sick little freaks!

Colleen: Sick?!?! Freaks?!?!

Amanda: **_Little_**?!?! Are you calling me short? Ooo, I am gonna make you _hurt_!

Spider-man: Who _is_ this guy? Wait…did he say "us"? There's only one of him!

Amanda: Actually, he's two people in one body. After the events of Disney World, Drew Bledsoe and Colonel Fron joined forces. They're united in their utter hatred of us. You see, we humiliated Col. From in front of his superiors, and Drew hates us because of our undying love for Tom Brady.

Colleen: They stole Norman Osbourne's formula for enhancing strength, and modified it. They became one person. A deranged, super-strong, super-fast, vengeful psychopath with severe-mommy issues and bad jock itch. They are…

**__**

Colonel Foot-Goblin!!! (insert sinister music)

Colonel Foot-Goblin _(hovering in air, waiting for girls to finish explanation. 'Cause he just needs an introduction.)_

That's right! We _do_ hate you! We're going to kill you _and_ your precious Spider-man!

Amanda & Colleen: _(gasp)_

Spider-man: Umm…when did I become involved in this? Wait! I'm a superhero! Don't worry, I'll protect you girls! _(heroic posing)_

Colleen: So fearless…

Amanda: So righteous… 

Both: So damn **hot**!

Spider-man: _(blushes)_

CFG _(Colonel Foot Goblin)_: Grrr! You said the same thing about Tom! Tom…Tom…Tom…get a hold of yourself, you dim-witted jock! Who are you calling dim-witted? You! Oh yeah? Yes! Oh, so you're insulting yourself, huh? No, you buffoon! Sounds like you're insulting yourself to me, man! Quiet, fool! We have Fan Club Girls to maim! Yeah, ok, man.

Amanda, Colleen, & Spider-man: Wow. Just…Wow.

(Frau Chane's German class) 

Frau Chane: It's been well over five minutes, and Katrin and Olivia are not back yet. Grr. I told them to _bring_ tissues!

Class: Katrin und Olivia sind sehr tot. _(Katrin and Olivia are very dead.)_

Emily: Um…I think they went off to find Spider-man, actually. 

Frau Chane: Spider-man? 

Emily: Yeah. Last time it was some Tom Brady guy…I think he was the oldest boy in the Brady Bunch. Spider-man is definitely a better obsession.

Frau Chane: **_No one_** skips my class! Stay here, students! I'm going to get them!

Emily: I think they're in New York. That's where the movie happened.

Sam: Dum-de-dum…BROOMIMIMIMIMI-ACH!!!…Dum-de-dum…

(Phone rings. Frau Chane answers it.) 

Frau Chane: Hello?…Who?…Oh,…Colleen's father!…Yes, I know…I was just on my way there now, actually…All right, I'll see you at the airport in twenty minutes…Bis spater!

Emily: This should be interesting…Oo, German Casper!

TBC…


	4. I'm telling my mommy on you!

__ (The Empire State Building) 

Colonel Foot-Goblin: You must die!

Spider-man: Not if I have anything to say about it, Goblin!

Colleen and Amanda: _(swoon)_

Colonel Foot-Goblin: Grrr!

(Dramatic battle scene ensues in which there are many close-ups of Spidey's muscular, rippling, spandex-clad, all-in-all very nice bum. Obviously, Spidey whoops Colonel Foot-Goblin's ass.) 

Spider-man: Take that!

CFG _(Colonel Foot-Goblin)_: I'm telling my mommy on you!

Amanda: Tsk tsk.

Colleen: Such a little tattler…

CFG: Stop making fun of me! Dude, chill out! But they're being mean to me! Which is why we're going to **_kill_** them! Oh yeah…you must die!

Amanda: We've been there, done that.

Colleen: This is the part where you slink away to nurse your wounded pride.

CFG: Oh…sorry, dude. We're new at this.

Spider-man: Obviously. _(sniff of disdain) _That was the **_easiest_** battle I've fought in a long time!

CFG: We'll meet again, Fan Club Girls! And next time…you'll die! _(hops on football-shaped glider and speeds away)_

Amanda: We're quaking with fear. Really. Aren't we, Col?

Colleen. _(rolls eyes) _Oh yes…do hurry back now.

(Logan Airport, Boston) 

Patti: _(whispering) _Remind me again **_how_** we got stuck with the girls' German teacher?

Carol: She just…came along.

John: She's scary!

Ken: And she didn't even bring any pizza!

(All look to the ticket booth where die Eisen Frau is yelling at the cowering workers auf Deutsch, which means "in German") 

Frau Chane: Nein! Funfte Fahrkarten! Ich gehe auch, dummkompf!

Ticket Guy: _(Wailing) _I don't speak German! You're scaring me! _(hands die Eisen Frau the tickets and runs away weeping) _

Frau Chane: _(Returning triumphantly) _Perfect! Five tickets to New York City. Let's go!

Ken: _(whispering) _Psycho!

John: _(snicker) _Hans! Franz! No joking in my class! Up here by me! **_Now_**!

(John and Ken both open their mouths to protest that A) Their names are neither Hans nor Franz and B) that they are not in Eisen Frau's class. However, one glance from the teacher shuts them up.) 

Ken and John: Yes, Frau Chane.

(Frau Chane's German Class) 

Emily: _(Singing) _Casper, die freundlich Geihst…

Sam: Dum-de-dum…ICHIIICKI –WAO!!!…Dum-de-dum…

Class: _(keeps repeating over and over) _Katrin und Olivia sind mause tot! _(Colleen and Amanda are as dead as doornails)_

_(Suddenly a mysterious figure appears in the doorway)_

Mysterious Figure: Hey…I'm looking for my Fan Club.

Class: Katrin und Olivia sind sehr mause tot!

Emily: Hey! You're that guy that Amanda and Colleen are obsessed with. Which one of the Brady Bunch are you, anyway?

(Empire State Building) 

Spider-man: Well, it's been fun, but I've got to go save MJ from some muggers! Next time that Foot Goblin shows up, just scream! I'll hear you. _(leaps from the building, shoots web and swings away)_

Colleen: Save…Mary Jane?

Amanda: And…leave us?

Both: That girl is going **DOWN**!

TBC…


	5. The Bitch must DIE!

__ (The Empire State Building) 

Amanda: _(sniffle) _He left us for that…that…that fake read-headed shrieking floozy!
    
    Colleen: We'll teach him the error of his ways. Come; let us go find this "MJ".
Amanda: The Bitch must die!!!!
    
__(Poorly-lit alleyway) 
    
Mary Jane Watson (MJ): Wow, this alleyway sure is poorly lit. Maybe I should have taken the bus instead of walking through a dark alley at night, in a bad section of town, while wearing high heels…naw! _(hears a noise) _Gosh, I hope that isn't a group of bad guys who will rip off my shirt and shove me around until Spider-man gets here to save me yet again.
    
__(Two figures emerge from the shadows. One is dressed in white ninja clothes, one is dresses in black ninja clothes.)
    
White Ninja: Nope, not bad guys.
    
Black Ninja: We're **_much _**worse that that!
    
MJ: _(gulp) _Who are you, and what do you want from me?
    
White Ninja: Well, your horrible, agonizing death would be nice…
    
Black Ninja: But this is a PG-13 story, so we'll just have to lock you up for eternity.
    
MJ: Spider-man will save me! He **_always_** saves me!
    
Black Ninja: Grrr…we **_know_**! Ready to go, Col?
    
White Ninja: Yes. I've got the rough twine. You hold her while I tie her up far more tightly than is necessary. 
    
MJ: Where are you taking me?
    
White Ninja: The library. Spider-man would never think to look for **_you_** in a **_good_** section of town!
    
__(Airplane headed for NY)
    
Patti: The German teacher is certainly…umm…_dedicated_ to her students, isn't she?
    
Carol: A bit **_too_** dedicated, one would think.
    
Ken: I **_told_** Amanda to take Spanish!
    
John: Same here. Spanish or Italian…Italian…Italian…
    
Ken & John: **Pizza**!
    
Frau Chane: Hans und Franz! Ihr konnt nicht sprechen!
    
John: Umm…actually, my name is – _(Is cut off by Frau Chane, who drops a German 2 book on his lap.) _
    
Frau Chane: Du muss dich studiert! Spater wir werdern ein Quiz-e-poo haben!
    
Carol: Oh dear…
    
Patti: I'm beginning to think that our daughters don't have the best influences in their lives…
    
__(Frau Chane's German Class)
    
Mysterious Figure: Brady Bunch? Uh…I'm actually the quarterback for the superbowl-winning New England Patriots.
    
Emily. Oh. I always thought Cindy was the cutest kid
    
Mysterious Figure: _(who we all know now is really Tom Brady) _Riiiiight…so where can I find Colleen and Amanda? I have to warn them.
    
Class: Sie sind tot!
    
Jessica: _(Random Goth girl in corner. Likes to freak people out by reciting German menus in a spooky voice.)_
(Stands up and waves arms around) Kuchen…tomaten…kartoffeln…**bier**! _(looks all possessed) _
    
Tom: Wow. I worry…
    
Emily: I think Amanda and Colleen went to New York to find Spider-man. They're kinda obsessed.
    
Tom: _(looks hurt) _Another obsession? Oh…
    
Emily: They still talk about you a wicked lot, though.
    
Tom: _(perks up) _Woo-hoo! I'm still special! Well, thanks for the help. See ya!
    
Sam: Dum-de-dum…**GUMMYGUMYMGOOOO!!!!**…Dum-de-dum…
    
TBC…
__     


	6. Essen, ASS, GegessenOh WHERE is Spiderma...

__

**Hello all! This is a happy little author's note. Ok, I'm lying. It's actually shameless self-promotion. Please, please go read my other story, Tom Brady Meets the Fan Club Girls. What an original name, huh? ;-) Anyway, it's about what happens in Disney. It's funny and random, and also written by Colleen and I during German class. I love that class. Hehe. Anyway, the story is also under _Chipmunk Queen_. So please, go find out for yourselves why we keep making references to that story. And thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! I love you all, and Col sends a big hug. I personally find that creepy, but hey, that's Col for ya. ;-) Thanks again! Now, on with the fic…**

****

_

     (Above Poorly-lit Alleyway)
_Spider-man: Don't worry, Mary Jane! I'll save you! Wait…Mary Jane? _(looks around) _MJ? Ok, I see the scary muggers looking around, but there's no sign of MJ. Hmm…
_(In Poorly-lit Alleyway)
_Amanda: Now, remember, Col; we must **_not_** beat the crap out of those pathetic muggers!
Colleen: I know, I know…but it's **_so_** tempting!
Amanda: Yes, those poor fools are no match for us, but how are we supposed to get Spidey to save us if we don't **_need _**to be saved?
    
Colleen: True…true…let's go.
    
_(Muggers surround girls. They are gross and dirty and smell like cat butt.)
_    
Mugger #1: Hey pretty girls!
    
Amanda: _(completely deadpan) _Oh no. We are trapped.
    
Colleen: _(in an extremely dramatic Southern accent) _Oh my! _(throws hand to forehead) _What eva **_shall_** we do?!?!
    
Amanda: If only Spider-man were here!
    
Mugger #2: C'mon, give us all your money! _(shoves Amanda)_
    
Amanda: Hey! You son of a— _(grabs thief by shirt collar)_
    
Colleen: Cough_InnocentVictim_Cough!
    
Amanda: Oh yeah…_(woodenly) _Not my money! I was going to give it all to the starving little orphans! Oh, where is Spider-man?
    
_(Muggers and girls look expectantly towards building. Five second pause…nothing happens.)
_    
Crickets in distance: Chirp!
    
Colleen: We **_said_**, Oh **_where_** is **_Spider-man_**?
    
Amanda: Cough_that'syourcue_cough!
    
Spider-man: Oh yeah… _(swings down) _Have no fear! **_I'll_** save you!
    
_(Airplane, or Flugzeug if you prefer)
_    
Frau Chane: Hans! Franz! Repeat after me! Geben, gab, gegeben!
    
John and Ken: _(monotone) _Geben, gab, gegeben.
    
Frau Chane: Gut. Essen, ass, ge— _(is interrupted by giggles coming from John and Ken.) **What**_, may I ask, is so amusing?
    
Ken: You said "ass"!
    
Frau Chane: No, if I wanted to say "ass", I would have said "arsch". As in, Ihr habt dicken arsche.
    
John: We do not!
    
_(John and Ken vainly attempt to inspect the size of their bums, and in doing so, fall on their faces.)
_    
Ken: Shit!
    
Frau Chane: "Shicken" means to deficate. Let's conjugate it. Ich shicke, du shickst…
    
John: She's teaching us how to swear in a foreign language!
    
Ken: Cool!
    
_(The same airplane, as far away from Ken, John, and Frau Chane as possible.)
_    
Carol: Perhaps we should take them out of that German class.
    
Patti: That **_is_** where they come up with all of their ideas…
    
Steward: Excuse me, would you ladies like some coffee?
    
Carol: Sure…Hey, do we know you?
    
Patti: You look awfully familiar…
    
Steward: Er…um…you must be mistaken! _(scuttles away)_
    
Carol: Was that…
    
Patti: I think so…
    
Carol & Patti: Uh-oh!
    
_(German Class)
_    
Emily: Well, that was interesting.
    
_(A figure appears in the doorway.)
_    
Emily: Not again…Oh hello Mr. Brundig! N…no, Frau Chane isn't here. N...New York, I-I think…O-o-okay…H-Have F-f-fun! 
    
_(Figure leaves. Emily is still shivering with fear.)
_    
Sam: Dum-de-dum…Hey, was that Vice Principal Brundig? He's really creepy…Dum-de-dum…
    
Emily: Yes…yes he is. He reminds me of one of those bad guys from the X-Files…and now he's following Colleen and Amanda…
    
TBC
    


	7. No fair! Colleen Gets to Have All the Fu...

(Poorly lit alley-way) 

Spiderman: BIFF! BOFF! BAM! 

Colleen: I think we're channeling an old Batman episode... 

Amanda: No kidding. 

Spiderman: *ties up felons w/ web* Well, that was fun! Hmm...I think I can only carry one of you to safety at a time... 

Colleen: That's easy, I'll go first! 

Amanda: 'Scuse me? 

Colleen: Ok, fine, rock paper scissors? 

Amanda: All right, ONE, TWO, THREE! 

Colleen: *displays clenched fist* Rock! 

Amanda: *shows two fists together* Ha! I win! 

Colleen: I'm sorry, what on earth is that supposed to be? 

Amanda: Land mine, obviously! 

Colleen: No fair! That doesn't count! I win by default because you cheated! 

Amanda: No! 

Both: *turn to Spiderman* Well? 

Spiderman: Errm...um...*looks back and forth* 

Amanda: Oh never mind, just go! But you owe me! 

Colleen: *grins* I love you man....well, not really. I mean, you're cool and everything, but...ok, I'm just gonna try and look manly now. Wait! No! Umm... 

Spiderman: *swoops Col up* 

Colleen: Oh dear... *they swing away* 

Amanda: Great, left in this poorly lit alleyway all by myself...I know! I'll beat up the muggers some more and make myself feel better! 

Mysterious Figure: Actually my dear, I think you'll be coming with me! 

Amanda: Yeah ri...*turns and sees who it is* Oh God! Help! Spiderman! Colleen! Help! 

**** 

(Airplane) 

Carol: There he is! 

Patti: Hey! Wait! *grabs Steward as he passes by* It is you! What are you doing as a steward, Mr. Heston? 

Charleston Heston: Errrrm...Well...I needed a job... 

Carol: No one has offered you any acting roles? 

Heston: No! That's not the problem! I've been offered dozens! But...but...it tends to be common knowledge where movies are shooting, and I've got to lay low for a while...well, you know...I don't want them finding me... 

Patti: Then I'd get off the plane if I were you. 

Heston: What?!?! *looks around wildly* 

Carol: Well, the girls have gone to New York to stalk Spiderman, and we're chasing after them...as usual... 

Heston: Eek! I'd better go tell Anthony! 

Carol & Patti: Uh-oh... 

*** 

Spiderman: Ummm...could you, um, move your hand? 

Colleen: Whatever do you mean? I'm merely holding on for dear life! 

Spiderman: But could you not... 

Colleen: Grab your bum? *deep sigh* Fine, fine... 

Spiderman: Thanks *they drop, and swing to the next building* 

Colleen: WHEEEE!!! 

Spiderman: Oy. 

*** 

(Library, The Political History of Cheese Section) 

Mary Jane: Umm....help? Hey, someone! It's like, really bright in here! And it smells kinda musty...hello? Hello? Anyone? Listen, there's something really wrong here! The villains just....left me. I mean, they should be here revealing evil plans...or they should have at least left me in a life-threatening situation, so Spiderman could burst in and save me at the last minute! Hello? 

Crickets: *Chirp!* 

Mary Jane: This is so not fair! I'm not even scared! I'm just....bored! Heeeeeeeellllllpppp!!!!! 


	8. Enter the Villain & Possible Yogurt!

(Dark, Poorly-Lit Alleyway)

Amanda: Oh my God, not _you_!

Mysterious Figure: Yes, _me_! You're in a lot of trouble, young lady! You and your partner have been causing trouble for the Gloucester High School Administration for far too long….I think it's time to show you just what's inside that red locker on the second floor….**_BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!_**

Amanda: No! Never! ~activates communication unit on her wristwatch, which she conveniently installed earlier that day~ Colleen! You and Spidey need to get your butts back here _now_! **_HE'S_** here!!!!

Mysterious Figure: That's enough of that! ~kicks Amanda's arm, causing wristwatch to fly off and smash against nearby brick wall~ 

Amanda: ~glares~ Colleen and Spider-Man will be here soon, and the three of us are gonna kick your black-robed butt six ways to Sunday! 

Mysterious Figure: Oh yes, I'm _counting_ on your friends coming to "rescue" you. As a matter of fact, I've got a nice semi-lethal trap all set up for them.

Amanda: Semi-lethal? 

Mysterious Figure: Yes. Semi-lethal. I think you'll be impressed by the…._creativity_….of my trap.

Amanda: ~snorts~ I bet that's just your way of saying you did a half-assed job.

Mysterious Figure: ~narrows eyes~ Just for that, I'm going to make your death extra-painful. I've been meaning to pay you back for what you did to our school's climbing team…..

Amanda: ~gulp~ 'Kay, you can show up any time now, guys…..

(Airplane)

Heston: Anthony! Guess who I just saw on the plane!

Hopkins: Hmm….judging by the fact that you're not immobilized by fear, it's not those "Fan Club Girls"….you still seem a bit anxious, however, so I'd venture to guess that….their parents are on the plane.

Heston: Yup! And that's not all; they're on their way to find their daughters. They've gone after that Spider-guy this time.

Hopkins: Well, better him than us! Hopefully, they'll be too preoccupied trying to catch him to realize we're there. By the time they find out, we'll already be gone.

Heston: Yeah, right! When have we_ ever _been that lucky?

Hopkins: ~sigh~ I know, I know. You can't blame me for wishful thinking….

(Another Part of the Airplane)

Carol: Ooo, breakfast! I wonder if this yogurt is organic….

Patti: I wonder if it's actually _yogurt_!

Ken & John: ~look at their trays with disappointment~ No…..pizza?

Carol & Patti: ~sigh~

Patti: Wait a minute….my Mommy-Sense is tingling….our girls are in big trouble!

Carol: ~gasp~ I feel it too! Something's after them!

Patti: But what could be horrible enough to scare our girls?

Carol: ~shudder~ I don't even want to_ think _about something like that!

Patti: I think we're going to need help on this one….

John: You know, Ken & I would be empowered enough to fight anything if we could only get some pizza!

Ken: Yeah, my Pizza-Sense is tingling!

Carol & Patti: ~smack respective husbands~

Patti: Anyway, where did Mr. Heston go……?

(A Random Rooftop, Several Blocks Away From Amanda's Location)

Spider-Man: Ummm…..you can let go of me now. We've landed.

Colleen: ~still has arms tightly around Spiderman, staring up at his…um….mask, with a dreamy expression on face~ Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry. ~reluctantly lets go~

Spider-Man: It's ok. I get that a lot….

Colleen: Ya don't say. 

Colleen's Wrist Comm: ~beep!~

Colleen: Ah! The random beep. Oh wait, no it's not. It's my communicator!

Wrist Comm: Colleen! You and Spidey need to get your butts back here _now_! **_HE'S _**here!!!!

Spider-Man: That's Amanda! It sounds like she's in trouble! ~notices that Colleen has gone pale….well, _paler_ than usual~ What's wrong, Colleen?

Colleen: There's only one person who could scare Amanda like that….**_Mr. Brundige_**! ~cue sinister music~

Spider-Man: Well, from the sinister music that just played, I can tell that this Mr. Brundige must be one evil wrong-doer. Who is he, exactly?

Colleen: He's our vice principal. Our **_damn dirty vice principal!!!! _**~snaps out of fear-induced funk—yes, I said _funk~ _Come on, we've got to go save Amanda!

Spider-Man: ~perks up~ Woo-hoo! Heroics! Grab on! ~thinks about what he just said~ I mean, grab on in an _appropriate_ way!

Colleen: Darn! I was hoping you wouldn't catch that….Anyway, swing away, Spidey!


End file.
